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Calibur_Phoenix
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Name: John
Country: United States
State: Kansas
Metro: Kansas City
Birthday: 6/26/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: I'm into all kinds of music, but I really prefer hardcore (It Dies Today, As I Lay Dying, Throwdown, Atreyu, Underminded) and "punk" music (Tiger Army, The Clash, The Sex Pistols, Rise Against). I love to read fantasy books- Stephen R. Donaldson, Stephen King, Raymond E. Feist. I love my friends, I have to many to name them all. I go to an all guys Catholic school- Rockhurst. I'm NOT Catholic, I'm agnostic. I'm an idealist. I love journalism, I'm on our school newspaper, and I love to write, creative writing, essay writing, journalistic writing. That's me.
Expertise: Being the crazy guy I am.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Media
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Calibur Phoenix
Member Since:
7/3/2005
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| So that last post is incredibly outdated, thought I'd put something
else up so people wouldn't be so worried. Summer's here.
Life's good. Whatever. Let's get this party started.
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| Fuck this.
I'm so tired of all the drama here. And I'm tired that no one is
willing to confront it, and I'm tired of the fact that anyone who does
try to confront it is just dumb. I want to leave.
I'm tired of this shit.
It's all shits and giggles, 24/7. No one wants to take anything
seriously. And don't give me any shit about how it's just people
trying to have fun. I'm tired of your mom jokes and comedians ALL
THE FUCKING TIME. It's ok once in a while, but good fucking god,
isn't there anything we can be the least bit serious about?
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| Today was better, at least, it ended well. Newspaper was pretty
bad, but it's over. I wrote a good story, which makes me happy.
Daniel Tosh is hilarious.
I've been thinking a bit about what I said last night... How do
you come to terms with the fact that you've been living a lie for the
past two or three years? It's almost paralyzing. I don't
know what to do from here.
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| Today was worse.
Newspaper sucks.
I'm not depressed or anything, but I'm in complete turmoil about my
current state of being. There's a couple comments that have
really hit me at the core as of recent and I don't know how to react.
I've been told that all I'm doing now is just trying to convince myself that I'm better than everyone else.
I've heard that someone referred to me as Holden Caufield, at least, all the negative aspects of Holden.
I've been told the only reason I'm nice is because I'm bad at being an asshole.
Is this me? Is this what people think of me?
Now this is the real zinger.
I've come to the realization that I may be the most superficial piece
of shit on this fucking planet. I put up this fucking front that
I'm this guy who doesn't give a flying fuck about what other people
think about me. Well, I'm so completely wrong. I'm so
fucking worried about being a good friend, I'm always second guessing
the way I act and what I say around my friends because I'm worried
they'll think I'm a bad friend. Sure, the intent may be good, but
I'm just as bad as the next superficial fuck-up.
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| Today was surprisingly stressful. One last story for
newspaper. The third to last day of production. One last
book and essay for school. One last test in Physics. One
last quiz in Precalculus. One last week of school.
I'm so fucking ready to be done it's not even funny.
Honestly though, I need to chill out. Take a deep breath. I need to enjoy this week.
I mean, seriously. Senior Camp-Out. That's gonna be a ton of fun.
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